Why Do I Overthink Whether People Like Me?

Why Do I Overthink Whether People Like Me?

Do you reread messages, analyse someone’s tone, or worry you’ve upset them after a conversation?

In this episode of Just a Minute with Dr Kumari, clinical psychologist Dr Kumari Valentine explores the connection between rejection sensitivity and rumination—and why uncertainty about our relationships can keep us overthinking.

Drawing on research by Downey and Feldman, Pearson and colleagues, and a 2026 meta-analysis, we explore how anticipating rejection may contribute to repetitive thinking. We also consider an important distinction: acknowledging genuine hurt while staying curious about what an interaction means.

Following last week’s episode on journalling, this episode offers a brief reflective practice to separate what happened from what we fear it means, recognise our feelings and needs, and choose a kind, useful next step.

Psychological science, with a little bit of magic.

Research mentioned:

Downey & Feldman (1996): https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.70.6.1327
Pearson, Watkins & Mullan (2011): https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2011.06.004
Stewart, Sorid & Olino (2026): https://doi.org/10.1002/jclp.70136